“Focus on self, and not what ‘they’ should be doing.” — Jaime Primak Sullivan, in a 2017 video Damn, that’s good advice. And very hard to faithfully follow. Like Jaime, I’m mindful and try to be the very best version of myself. I believe that a living person is always learning. But when I’m unhappy with someone it’s very easy… Read more →
Category: Growth and Change
Finding hope in the dark
It’s hard for me to express just how pleased I am that I’m now seeing a health psychologist. I feel hopeful about dealing with some of my physical ailments now, for the first time in a long time. My most recent session on Wednesday gave me some piercing insights. I went to him, Dr. M, at my regular therapist’s… Read more →
Micro-acts of equality (aka: “Respect, bitches”)
It’s only been about three years since I realized how ingrained it is for me to minimize myself in deference to others. What I’ve always thought of as courtesy and reasonable humility is actually a little debasing. And I’m doing it to myself. It’s ridiculous to be this way, because I’m perfectly capable of being assertive or even aggressive when… Read more →
Building a new nest. Or a happier bird.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Changed the headline from “better bird” to “happier bird.” That fits better.] I’m contemplating my new life, now that both my children are out of the house. I don’t want to spend the rest of it playing with my phone while stretched out on the sofa while my husband is stretched out nearby with his Nook. (Solitary lazing has… Read more →
Dumping expectations
Background: My husband and I are staying together after his affair. It’s been a long time since D-Day, but I am still going to an individual counselor because it just helps me cope with him and other issues. (Let’s just call my therapist Max the Marvelous, because he truly is a marvelously compassionate and insightful therapist — or perhaps just… Read more →
Shit needs to get real
This post is about life, not about infidelity like most of this blog. FYI. I’m still processing an electrifying session I had with my therapist yesterday. Normally it’s quite chatty and thoughtful. Rarely confrontational. He doesn’t get angry; it’s not an emotional interaction for him, and he’s professional. But he did get FIRM. Bottom line: I can reduce my stress… Read more →
Dream a little hateful dream of me
Had a dream Friday night that my husband — in a voice dripping with contempt — told me that I was an asshole. The sneer on his face didn’t fade when I looked at him, shocked and hurt. My older daughter (from a previous marriage) was standing nearby, and in a moment I learned he was dumping me and marrying… Read more →
The good and the bad after his affair
I’m thinking about the affair and how my husband has responded in the aftermath. It’s been both nice and sad. He does lovely things, like: Put a couple of freshly folded bath towel on the side of the tub because he knows I often forget to get them until I stand up, dripping wet, and look around Packs my lunch for me… Read more →
Has anything really changed since his affair?
I was listening to another YouTube video this morning about “emotional affairs” and how to actively work toward recovering trust. The most interesting part to me was the observation that it’s extremely difficult to pull off if BOTH people aren’t working toward it. My husband isn’t doing anything really to restore trust, although he is being generally very nice. And… Read more →