Category: Growth and Change

‘Don’t throw that away. It can still be fixed.’ … Right?

“Focus on self, and not what ‘they’ should be doing.” — Jaime Primak Sullivan, in a 2017 video Damn, that’s good advice. And very hard to faithfully follow. Like Jaime, I’m mindful and try to be the very best version of myself. I believe that a living person is always learning. But when I’m unhappy with someone it’s very easy… Read more →

Micro-acts of equality (aka: “Respect, bitches”)

It’s only been about three years since I realized how ingrained it is for me to minimize myself in deference to others. What I’ve always thought of as courtesy and reasonable humility is actually a little debasing. And I’m doing it to myself. It’s ridiculous to be this way, because I’m perfectly capable of being assertive or even aggressive when… Read more →

Building a new nest. Or a happier bird.

 [EDITOR’S NOTE: Changed the headline from “better bird” to “happier bird.” That fits better.] I’m contemplating my new life, now that both my children are out of the house. I don’t want to spend the rest of it playing with my phone while stretched out on the sofa while my husband is stretched out nearby with his Nook. (Solitary lazing has… Read more →

Dumping expectations

Background: My husband and I are staying together after his affair. It’s been a long time since D-Day, but I am still going to an individual counselor because it just helps me cope with him and other issues. (Let’s just call my therapist Max the Marvelous, because he truly is a marvelously compassionate and insightful therapist — or perhaps just… Read more →

Shit needs to get real

This post is about life, not about infidelity like most of this blog. FYI. I’m still processing an electrifying session I had with my therapist yesterday. Normally it’s quite chatty and thoughtful. Rarely confrontational. He doesn’t get angry; it’s not an emotional interaction for him, and he’s professional. But he did get FIRM. Bottom line: I can reduce my stress… Read more →

Has anything really changed since his affair?

I was listening to another YouTube video this morning about “emotional affairs” and how to actively work toward recovering trust. The most interesting part to me was the observation that it’s extremely difficult to pull off if BOTH people aren’t working toward it. My husband isn’t doing anything really to restore trust, although he is being generally very nice. And… Read more →