My husband has always told me stories about us. He reinforces the narrative he wants to emphasize, turning observations into marital canon. Like how we are “soul mates.” Like how we are “just meant to be.” Like how we laugh and talk when we are out to eat, while other couples in the restaurant around us sit silent, with dour faces,… Read more →
Category: Communication
I’m sorry — here’s a lamp.
You’ll get the headline for this post if you listed to the video below. It’s absolutely spot-on perfect. The video is by Jaime Primak Sullivan — a publicist, producer, writer, mom and wife who hosts the popular Cawfeetawk vlog and a very sassy Instagram account. Here she’s talking about something her husband keeps failing to do, even though he knows it’s a… Read more →
No more pebbles … please
I’m really frustrated this morning, because my husband thinks I’m rejecting his gifts and criticizing him if I don’t ooh and ah over his unsolicited offerings. With him, all I am able to do is praise and thank. Anything else gets met with sullenness. This morning is an example of why he’s difficult to communicate with. He decided with no… Read more →
Fuck your tempest, fuck your teapot
It was a good morning that just turned to shit. I’m sure it will roll back around to a good day eventually. It’s just not there yet. I was putting on my makeup, arguing politics with my politically exasperating husband. I finally threw up my hands (metaphorically) and decided to finish getting dressed for work. I was frustrated with him,… Read more →
Git yer head outta the sand. Start talking. (Please.)
There really should be a protocol for spouses to send a note to the other spouse’s therapist. Seriously. I’ve seen a therapist one or two times a month for most of the time since my husband’s affair came to light. More recently, he’s begun seeing someone too. I urged him to since I wasn’t really able to help him with… Read more →
His illusions reveal his character
This article was piercing for me. It talks about understanding what a cheating spouse was thinking during the affair. It was written by Rick Reynolds, founder and president of Affair Recovery, a marital counseling company. I have never been able to grasp my husband’s mindset about his affair, and probing doesn’t help. He clams up. Any info I get by… Read more →
How not to cook a frog
I had a bittersweet talk with my husband this morning. Bittersweet because I love him, and he’s trying, but I don’t think he can or will really hear me. I finally mentioned that I had been thinking for about a week off and on about an aspect of his affair. I recalled how he feared his affair partner’s husband would… Read more →
Walk up to the “I” line, but no further. (Or “Learning to stay in my lane.”)
My therapist is great. He gave me some useful, subtle advice for a persistent issue I’ve encountered with assholes my whole life. The advice is: Don’t bother trying to explain to or argue with a mentally unhealthy person. Keep your emotions in check during any unavoidable or necessary encounters. (A frank friend once said it more succinctly: “Check yourself before… Read more →
Who, me? I’m not angry. Much.
You know how the experts say a repentant unfaithful spouse should be willing to “do anything” to show remorse and a changed outlook to the betrayed spouse? Yeah. About that. My husband is essentially what most people would call a “good guy.” And he had a long-term emotional affair, regardless. He had no legitimate excuses, although he has finally been… Read more →
First marriage: Oh, the crazy-making
Funny how we can look back at our own histories, thinking of the old familiar stories from our lives, and suddenly see them in a different light with the perspective of years. My first husband and I met in college, dated all four years, went out of state for his advanced studies for two years, and moved back to his… Read more →