There really should be a protocol for spouses to send a note to the other spouse’s therapist. Seriously. I’ve seen a therapist one or two times a month for most of the time since my husband’s affair came to light. More recently, he’s begun seeing someone too. I urged him to since I wasn’t really able to help him with… Read more →
Category: Communication
His illusions reveal his character
This article was piercing for me. It talks about understanding what a cheating spouse was thinking during the affair. It was written by Rick Reynolds, founder and president of Affair Recovery, a marital counseling company. I have never been able to grasp my husband’s mindset about his affair, and probing doesn’t help. He clams up. Any info I get by… Read more →
How not to cook a frog
I had a bittersweet talk with my husband this morning. Bittersweet because I love him, and he’s trying, but I don’t think he can or will really hear me. I finally mentioned that I had been thinking for about a week off and on about an aspect of his affair. I recalled how he feared his affair partner’s husband would… Read more →
Walk up to the “I” line, but no further. (Or “Learning to stay in my lane.”)
My therapist is great. He gave me some useful, subtle advice for a persistent issue I’ve encountered with assholes my whole life. The advice is: Don’t bother trying to explain to or argue with a mentally unhealthy person. Keep your emotions in check during any unavoidable or necessary encounters. (A frank friend once said it more succinctly: “Check yourself before… Read more →
Who, me? I’m not angry. Much.
You know how the experts say a repentant unfaithful spouse should be willing to “do anything” to show remorse and a changed outlook to the betrayed spouse? Yeah. About that. My husband is essentially what most people would call a “good guy.” And he had a long-term emotional affair, regardless. He had no legitimate excuses, although he has finally been… Read more →
First marriage: Oh, the crazy-making
Funny how we can look back at our own histories, thinking of the old familiar stories from our lives, and suddenly see them in a different light with the perspective of years. My first husband and I met in college, dated all four years, went out of state for his advanced studies for two years, and moved back to his… Read more →
The thoughts go marching round and round, hurrah
Communication makes such a difference. I’ve come full circle from hurting over the weekend to feeling at least a little better today. I had a miserable weekend, emotionally speaking. Haven’t had one of those in a while, but it hit me hard. It was bad enough that I checked the Facebook page of the woman who my husband had an… Read more →
His love is like a red, red rose. For him.
We marked our 21st wedding anniversary today. The original plan was for him to cook steaks for the family tonight, and we plan to go out to a movie and casual dinner on Saturday. (But I was not feeling well, so we just ate baked potatoes and are saving the steaks for Saturday too.) I do like the fact that he’s sentimental about… Read more →
Dream a little hateful dream of me
Had a dream Friday night that my husband — in a voice dripping with contempt — told me that I was an asshole. The sneer on his face didn’t fade when I looked at him, shocked and hurt. My older daughter (from a previous marriage) was standing nearby, and in a moment I learned he was dumping me and marrying… Read more →
Some times you feel like a nut, some times you don’t
Funny how the small things can say “I love you” so loudly. My husband and I carpool. We usually talk a lot on the rides, and yesterday we got to talking about a five-ingredient chicken recipe that included coconut. He listened to my MMMMMMs and said, “I’ll bet you liked Mounds.” I told him no, that I LOVED Mounds. The conversation… Read more →