This rang true for me when I stumbled across it today: “Cheating is a power play. People think it’s all sexy time and the Heart Wants What the Heart Wants bullshit. No, it’s a power grab. It’s a toxic dynamic of getting over on someone. It’s an unequal playing field. You invest all your kibbles in a fuckwit, and they’ll just… Read more →
Category: Communication
On or off? There’s not always a dimmer switch.
One of the oldest arguments that my husband and I have had many times over the years recently bubbled up to the surface like marsh gas in a swamp. I said “Yes” to something my daughter needed, which meant I effectively said “No” to something my husband wanted and demanded. Some decisions don’t HAVE middle grounds. He was LIVID. My… Read more →
Back away. Srsly.
I’m coming down with a cold. And I’ve got an unusually high work load this week. So when I came home from work, I took some Theraflu and laid down for a nap before I tackled the work I brought home with me. I eventually got up and slogged to the kitchen to reheat some dinner, and all I wanted… Read more →
Smell you later
In general, women have a better sense of smell than men do, or so I’ve read. It’s definitely true at my house. My husband showers once or twice a day because he can’t stand feeling oily or sweaty for long. But he’s always had some hygiene issues that interfere with how close I want to be with him. He doesn’t… Read more →
Not your BAE, not your Boo
My husband has always told me stories about us. He reinforces the narrative he wants to emphasize, turning observations into marital canon. Like how we are “soul mates.” Like how we are “just meant to be.” Like how we laugh and talk when we are out to eat, while other couples in the restaurant around us sit silent, with dour faces,… Read more →
I’m sorry — here’s a lamp.
You’ll get the headline for this post if you listed to the video below. It’s absolutely spot-on perfect. The video is by Jaime Primak Sullivan — a publicist, producer, writer, mom and wife who hosts the popular Cawfeetawk vlog and a very sassy Instagram account. Here she’s talking about something her husband keeps failing to do, even though he knows it’s a… Read more →
No more pebbles … please
I’m really frustrated this morning, because my husband thinks I’m rejecting his gifts and criticizing him if I don’t ooh and ah over his unsolicited offerings. With him, all I am able to do is praise and thank. Anything else gets met with sullenness. This morning is an example of why he’s difficult to communicate with. He decided with no… Read more →
Fuck your tempest, fuck your teapot
It was a good morning that just turned to shit. I’m sure it will roll back around to a good day eventually. It’s just not there yet. I was putting on my makeup, arguing politics with my politically exasperating husband. I finally threw up my hands (metaphorically) and decided to finish getting dressed for work. I was frustrated with him,… Read more →
Git yer head outta the sand. Start talking. (Please.)
There really should be a protocol for spouses to send a note to the other spouse’s therapist. Seriously. I’ve seen a therapist one or two times a month for most of the time since my husband’s affair came to light. More recently, he’s begun seeing someone too. I urged him to since I wasn’t really able to help him with… Read more →
His illusions reveal his character
This article was piercing for me. It talks about understanding what a cheating spouse was thinking during the affair. It was written by Rick Reynolds, founder and president of Affair Recovery, a marital counseling company. I have never been able to grasp my husband’s mindset about his affair, and probing doesn’t help. He clams up. Any info I get by… Read more →