The day we missed out on watching hot air balloons with my mother’s side of the family is a perfect example of when they made me the villain and punished me for it. And I participated by feeling shamed. It’s hard to put into words just how awful this was, but it remains vivid to me as one of the many,… Read more →
Category: Contempt
More than one way to drown
I fell in the pool recently while we were wrangling with the tarp that covers it. (It’s an old house we own but don’t live in currently, so the pool is covered for now.) When I hit the tarp flat on my back, it wrapped around my feet and I started to slowly sink into the deep waters. My anxious husband was speechless and fretting… Read more →
Miserable: The making of a spoiled rotten brat
When I was a little girl, my mom and I used to go to one of her sister’s houses on Sunday afternoons. She would visit with her three sisters and drink coffee, and I would play with my older cousins, play in the yard or read one of the books I brought. The cousins, 9 and 6 years older than… Read more →
Not always right, but always been bold
When I was 11 or 12, I used to steal my stepfather’s dirty magazines. Not for what you think, although I was curious too. Here’s what happened. During the summer while my mother worked, I often had to spend the day with my stepfather at his small furniture store. So boring, even if I brought books and toys, and the… Read more →
First marriage: Oh, the crazy-making
Funny how we can look back at our own histories, thinking of the old familiar stories from our lives, and suddenly see them in a different light with the perspective of years. My first husband and I met in college, dated all four years, went out of state for his advanced studies for two years, and moved back to his… Read more →
Dream a little hateful dream of me
Had a dream Friday night that my husband — in a voice dripping with contempt — told me that I was an asshole. The sneer on his face didn’t fade when I looked at him, shocked and hurt. My older daughter (from a previous marriage) was standing nearby, and in a moment I learned he was dumping me and marrying… Read more →
Not ready to make nice
One of the most shocking things my husband did during his affair was simply something he said about me. I have not forgiven it. Here’s the context. I think I came out as an atheist around the same time I decided two things: I really, truly was one, and it was time I admitted it. I believe that was around… Read more →