Category: Identity

What are you looking at — his personality, or his character?

I’ve been binge-watching Derrick Jaxn’s channel on YouTube. He’s imperfect and I don’t agree with everything he says, but he is a good speaker and he uses a lot of common sense that cuts through bullshit. Particularly male bullshit, and even more specifically the bullshit of male cheaters. His main messages are to have standards for how you let people… Read more →

Dreaming of me

Sometimes when I go to see my therapist we talk about something other than me or my family or my problems. I don’t know whether that’s because he’s just pleasant and interesting to talk to or because I need a break from the inside of my own head. Last week, we talked about how my older daughter wants to get… Read more →

Micro-acts of equality (aka: “Respect, bitches”)

It’s only been about three years since I realized how ingrained it is for me to minimize myself in deference to others. What I’ve always thought of as courtesy and reasonable humility is actually a little debasing. And I’m doing it to myself. It’s ridiculous to be this way, because I’m perfectly capable of being assertive or even aggressive when… Read more →

Trust your true self.

The wisdom in my favorite YouTube video of the day resonated with me like a mallet to a gong, and I can still hear it ringing. I highly recommend listening to Finally Free From Narcissism’s YouTube talk, “Followup to Entitlement to Attention.” She’s a professional dog trainer and a wise and fun YouTuber, and she told about writing to another pet… Read more →

I’m a goddamned diamond

I have been blogging and talking online more lately about some hard parts of my childhood, particularly my violated boundaries and my difficult relationship with my mother. I’ve also thought about something my therapist said after I’d been seeing him for a while. It was something like, “I just imagine how successful and strong you would have been without the mother and… Read more →

I know who I am. You do too.

Yesterday, I remembered with a smile how my younger daughter reacted when she was very little and I had ordered some used but very nice clothes for her on eBay. She was about 5. I opened the box and proudly showed her the pristine pale blue corduroy pants, shirt, sweater and a couple of other outfits. She looked at it… Read more →