Author: Effie

That moony smile, though

I don’t think my husband has been unfaithful since I found out about his long, long, long affair. But other than that, the story in this post could be about me: The woman who inspired that post talked about uncertainty, unhappiness, guilt and more. I want to hug her and give her a safe place to talk. And when… Read more →

What are you looking at — his personality, or his character?

I’ve been binge-watching Derrick Jaxn’s channel on YouTube. He’s imperfect and I don’t agree with everything he says, but he is a good speaker and he uses a lot of common sense that cuts through bullshit. Particularly male bullshit, and even more specifically the bullshit of male cheaters. His main messages are to have standards for how you let people… Read more →

Waiting for that other shoe

Had a lot of time to think yesterday while in the outpatient surgery waiting room as hubby had a hernia repaired. (He’s doing fine, btw.) I don’t think often these days about his long-ago affair since I decided eventually to stay with him. But sometimes it still pops up unpredictably. We aren’t sleeping together. He is down on himself physically,… Read more →

He projected his anger & contempt onto me

“Essentially, all narcissists tell on themselves.” ~ Meredith Miller, I’m still savoring the insights from a video I watched earlier this week. It talks about how narcissists inadvertently reveal details about themselves through what they are projecting onto you. The one thing that my husband kept saying over and over and over after his affair came to light was,… Read more →

But my distortions are FAMILIAR to me

I’m working with a new therapist via the website, and I like his approach so far. (I’m also very happy with the level of help and the frequency of contact I get for their asking price — just $45/week, paid a month in advance. I don’t get any recompense for saying that; I just like them.) I’ve come to… Read more →

She told me it’s OK to stay

  Recently went to my psychiatrist for our semi-annual chat and renewal of my antidepressant medicines. She asked how I was doing in my marriage, because she knows the traumatic history. I told her that it’s comfortable. I don’t trust him like I used to, so I’m much more reserved, less reliant and less vulnerable than I was in the… Read more →