This extraordinary essay came into my life this morning, giving me a name and an allegory to explain wide swathes of my life. I first read a response to it on one of the websites I faithfully follow, ChumpLady.com. Then I had to scurry over to The Paris Review’s website to read the original. And then put the author’s new… Read more →
Bad case of the stares
I don’t know if I will ever get over my husband’s infidelity, but his actions over a long period of time have proven that he loves me. And I believe my life is better with him than without him. (Do I love? I still think so, although it’s diminished from what it was.) So I’m staying. I’ll bet you figured… Read more →
Depression is like …
An old friend who’s won every brutal, aching arm wrestling bout with depression so far was writing today about how this brand of mental illness hits everyone differently. For her, it knocks out her concentration, clarity of thought, and sense of self-worth. I can identify with that. My executive function splashes down in the toilet too when I’m depressed. So… Read more →
Raking over old coals. Still smoldering, I see.
Periodically, I feel a need to watch some of the old infidelity channels on YouTube. I’ve been watching a video this morning that reminds me it’s not over yet, at least for me. Seven years. And I can’t forgive. Or forget. The speaker on today’s video talked about how an unfaithful partner wrote a letter to her betrayed spouse. It… Read more →
That moony smile, though
I don’t think my husband has been unfaithful since I found out about his long, long, long affair. But other than that, the story in this post could be about me: https://www.chumplady.com/2018/10/dear-chump-lady-please-kill-my-hope/. The woman who inspired that post talked about uncertainty, unhappiness, guilt and more. I want to hug her and give her a safe place to talk. And when… Read more →
Smell you later
In general, women have a better sense of smell than men do, or so I’ve read. It’s definitely true at my house. My husband showers once or twice a day because he can’t stand feeling oily or sweaty for long. But he’s always had some hygiene issues that interfere with how close I want to be with him. He doesn’t… Read more →
What are you looking at — his personality, or his character?
I’ve been binge-watching Derrick Jaxn’s channel on YouTube. He’s imperfect and I don’t agree with everything he says, but he is a good speaker and he uses a lot of common sense that cuts through bullshit. Particularly male bullshit, and even more specifically the bullshit of male cheaters. His main messages are to have standards for how you let people… Read more →
Waiting for that other shoe
Had a lot of time to think yesterday while in the outpatient surgery waiting room as hubby had a hernia repaired. (He’s doing fine, btw.) I don’t think often these days about his long-ago affair since I decided eventually to stay with him. But sometimes it still pops up unpredictably. We aren’t sleeping together. He is down on himself physically,… Read more →
He projected his anger & contempt onto me
“Essentially, all narcissists tell on themselves.” ~ Meredith Miller, innerintegration.com I’m still savoring the insights from a video I watched earlier this week. It talks about how narcissists inadvertently reveal details about themselves through what they are projecting onto you. The one thing that my husband kept saying over and over and over after his affair came to light was,… Read more →
You can lean on me … but no piggyback rides
I’m having trouble being supportive. My husband is having surgery in a couple of months to repair a giant hernia on his belly. He’s already gloomy about the news, worried about the cost, and fretting about getting older and having physical ailments. He also recently got the news that he has to have another tooth pulled and replaced with another… Read more →