I watched a TikTok today about EMDR (eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing). It reminded me of when I was in the mental hospital in 2012 for 10 days after my suicide attempt. My stay included one group session of EMDR. It wasn’t memorable at the time, so I decided to try it again today. No idea if I did it right,… Read more →
Cheating as a power play
This rang true for me when I stumbled across it today: “Cheating is a power play. People think it’s all sexy time and the Heart Wants What the Heart Wants bullshit. No, it’s a power grab. It’s a toxic dynamic of getting over on someone. It’s an unequal playing field. You invest all your kibbles in a fuckwit, and they’ll just… Read more →
On or off? There’s not always a dimmer switch.
One of the oldest arguments that my husband and I have had many times over the years recently bubbled up to the surface like marsh gas in a swamp. I said “Yes” to something my daughter needed, which meant I effectively said “No” to something my husband wanted and demanded. Some decisions don’t HAVE middle grounds. He was LIVID. My… Read more →
Learning that someone really hated me
So it was around 1999 and I was working for a small company that hosted three big retail conferences annually. It was my first time to work at such a big event. We had a few things go badly wrong. When we got back to the office on Monday, our boss asked us to all share our thoughts on what… Read more →
The profound disrespect of an affair
I find wisdom and incisive wording in all kinds of places. I read this nugget recently in the comment section on chumplady.com, from someone using the pseudonym “LovedAJackass” (and by the way, I love the name): “It’s also the decision. That decision requires the cheater to devalue his spouse, to tell himself his promises to her don’t matter, the pain… Read more →
Delivering his validation until I couldn’t anymore
Today’s insight: My husband almost convinced me that his affair was all my fault for being depressed, angry and unavailable to him. I think that one of the reasons I stayed after D-Day* was that I felt guilty for being unlovable. (*If you don’t know, “D-Day” refers to Discovery Day, as when I discovered his affair. The affair recovery support… Read more →
Why he went no-contact with the truth
I’m in the middle of a long marriage. Some days it feels too long. But whenever I take a look at it again, critically, so far it has felt right to keep it. It feels good to know that I can make that choice at any time and not feel trapped just because the answer in my past has always… Read more →
Yes, it IS a big deal.
My birthday and Mother’s Day both fell during my community’s coronavirus-related shutdowns. I’m not a greedy person, so — when asked what I wanted — I mentioned some perfumes I like and what color socks I need. Some of the perfume is in the $28-30 range. You can get socks from about a couple of bucks up to $10 or… Read more →
“Honey, I tried …” (Did you? Did you really?!)
THIS is how weak and/or stubborn my husband is. I have a really deadline-oriented job. It’s the day before a big project deadline, and I’m tired. I take a nap when I get home from work and ask my husband to please get me up if I didn’t stir by 8 p.m. So instead I wake up on my own… Read more →
Back away. Srsly.
I’m coming down with a cold. And I’ve got an unusually high work load this week. So when I came home from work, I took some Theraflu and laid down for a nap before I tackled the work I brought home with me. I eventually got up and slogged to the kitchen to reheat some dinner, and all I wanted… Read more →