“Focus on self, and not what ‘they’ should be doing.” — Jaime Primak Sullivan, in a 2017 video Damn, that’s good advice. And very hard to faithfully follow. Like Jaime, I’m mindful and try to be the very best version of myself. I believe that a living person is always learning. But when I’m unhappy with someone it’s very easy… Read more →
Here comes Peter Cottontail
Just a little update on the non-event of my sex life. Finally bought a new vibrator to replace the one that died when its old batteries rusted in place. (Oh, the metaphor there.) My old one was a boring beige — long and slender with an egg-shaped blob at the business end. I used to call it ET’s Finger, and it… Read more →
Is it me, or is it me, or is it me? I think it’s me.
I need to know if the nuances I’m about to describe are significant, or if this is just self-indulgent navel-gazing. And this is a hard concept to convey, but I’m trying: My husband doesn’t understand the crucial difference between telling me, “I love how you make me laugh when I’m having a bad day” and “I love how funny you are.” In… Read more →
Not your BAE, not your Boo
My husband has always told me stories about us. He reinforces the narrative he wants to emphasize, turning observations into marital canon. Like how we are “soul mates.” Like how we are “just meant to be.” Like how we laugh and talk when we are out to eat, while other couples in the restaurant around us sit silent, with dour faces,… Read more →
Check his drive so you don’t exhaust yours
Hindsight is always clearer than the present fog or the rosy future. I remember feeling so impatient to start my life with my now-husband back when we were dating. I’d known him all four years when we were in college, and many years later it was like picking up an old friendship with the added spice of sex. I was… Read more →
I’m sorry — here’s a lamp.
You’ll get the headline for this post if you listed to the video below. It’s absolutely spot-on perfect. The video is by Jaime Primak Sullivan — a publicist, producer, writer, mom and wife who hosts the popular Cawfeetawk vlog and a very sassy Instagram account. Here she’s talking about something her husband keeps failing to do, even though he knows it’s a… Read more →
Retiring, horny & unhappy
My husband happily talks about my possible retirement next year if he gets a job promotion he’s been chasing unsuccessfully for years now. That job is one he could do from anywhere in the world. He sees a long list of options for us as a couple who will travel the world, returning periodically to a small home full of… Read more →
The happy horseshit of Esther Perel
Below is my transcript of Esther Perel talking on the Scandinavian talk show “Skavlan” in the fall of 2017. (YouTube link.) My “Oh, what bullshit” comments are in a different color, interspersed throughout the transcript. The show’s host is Fredrik Skavlan, a Norwegian journalist, cartoonist and TV personality. Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist who, according to Wikipedia, is “notable… Read more →
Giving up.
Every time I think I’ve come to a decision, the fucking road forks again … and again … and again, and I find myself circling back to the same place. I’ve come to the realization that — even if I wanted to — my poor health means I can’t afford to leave my marriage. I’m at the point where I need… Read more →
Thinking of Paris. And him.
My husband astonished me last weekend with the announcement he would like to take me and our daughters on a brief trip to Paris early next year. It’s a luxury that he promised many years ago when we were broke newlyweds, and he’s very pleased that he found a deal through his workplace’s discounts program that finally makes it affordable for us.… Read more →