Empty as a sock puppet

It is so difficult to work yourself up to have the gumption to leave a bad marriage. And mine’s not bad. It’s just disappointing and lonely. Sometimes disturbing. Peppered with hauntingly sweet moments that occur often enough to serve as contrast, but not often enough to sustain me. Surprise — bad marriages may be hard to leave, but it’s equally… Read more →

Paralyzing self-doubt

I grew up in a home of … well, I can’t exactly say “emotional highs and lows.” More like emotional lows and mediums. So my judgement of what is normal and reasonable to expect in life feels like it’s never been properly calibrated. It’s like, if I were weighing myself, I’m used to wildly fluctuating results and sometimes looking back… Read more →

No more pebbles … please

I’m really frustrated this morning, because my husband thinks I’m rejecting his gifts and criticizing him if I don’t ooh and ah over his unsolicited offerings. With him, all I am able to do is praise and thank. Anything else gets met with sullenness. This morning is an example of why he’s difficult to communicate with. He decided with no… Read more →

Fuck your tempest, fuck your teapot

It was a good morning that just turned to shit. I’m sure it will roll back around to a good day eventually. It’s just not there yet. I was putting on my makeup, arguing politics with my politically exasperating husband. I finally threw up my hands (metaphorically) and decided to finish getting dressed for work. I was frustrated with him,… Read more →

Dreaming of me

Sometimes when I go to see my therapist we talk about something other than me or my family or my problems. I don’t know whether that’s because he’s just pleasant and interesting to talk to or because I need a break from the inside of my own head. Last week, we talked about how my older daughter wants to get… Read more →

I wanna see me be brave.

I’m back after a long silence. I managed to paint myself into a corner with this blog, and it took me a while to grow my spine back. ;o) And obviously I love to mix metaphors. Here’s what happened: I love this blog, and when I find someone online who resonates with me, I am pretty casual about revealing my real… Read more →