Author: Effie

Waiting for that other shoe

Had a lot of time to think yesterday while in the outpatient surgery waiting room as hubby had a hernia repaired. (He’s doing fine, btw.) I don’t think often these days about his long-ago affair since I decided eventually to stay with him. But sometimes it still pops up unpredictably. We aren’t sleeping together. He is down on himself physically,… Read more →

He projected his anger & contempt onto me

“Essentially, all narcissists tell on themselves.” ~ Meredith Miller, innerintegration.com I’m still savoring the insights from a video I watched earlier this week. It talks about how narcissists inadvertently reveal details about themselves through what they are projecting onto you. The one thing that my husband kept saying over and over and over after his affair came to light was,… Read more →

But my distortions are FAMILIAR to me

I’m working with a new therapist via the betterhelp.com website, and I like his approach so far. (I’m also very happy with the level of help and the frequency of contact I get for their asking price — just $45/week, paid a month in advance. I don’t get any recompense for saying that; I just like them.) I’ve come to… Read more →

She told me it’s OK to stay

  Recently went to my psychiatrist for our semi-annual chat and renewal of my antidepressant medicines. She asked how I was doing in my marriage, because she knows the traumatic history. I told her that it’s comfortable. I don’t trust him like I used to, so I’m much more reserved, less reliant and less vulnerable than I was in the… Read more →

‘Don’t throw that away. It can still be fixed.’ … Right?

“Focus on self, and not what ‘they’ should be doing.” — Jaime Primak Sullivan, in a 2017 video Damn, that’s good advice. And very hard to faithfully follow. Like Jaime, I’m mindful and try to be the very best version of myself. I believe that a living person is always learning. But when I’m unhappy with someone it’s very easy… Read more →