Author: Effie

Not your BAE, not your Boo

My husband has always told me stories about us. He reinforces the narrative he wants to emphasize, turning observations into marital canon. Like how we are “soul mates.” Like how we are “just meant to be.” Like how we laugh and talk when we are out to eat, while other couples in the restaurant around us sit silent, with dour faces,… Read more →

I’m sorry — here’s a lamp.

You’ll get the headline for this post if you listed to the video below. It’s absolutely spot-on perfect. The video is by Jaime Primak Sullivan — a publicist, producer, writer, mom and wife who hosts the popular Cawfeetawk vlog and a very sassy Instagram account. Here she’s talking about something her husband keeps failing to do, even though he knows it’s a… Read more →

Retiring, horny & unhappy

My husband happily talks about my possible retirement next year if he gets a job promotion he’s been chasing unsuccessfully for years now. That job is one he could do from anywhere in the world. He sees a long list of options for us as a couple who will travel the world, returning periodically to a small home full of… Read more →

The happy horseshit of Esther Perel

Below is my transcript of Esther Perel talking on the Scandinavian talk show “Skavlan” in the fall of 2017. (YouTube link.) My “Oh, what bullshit” comments are in a different color, interspersed throughout the transcript. The show’s host is Fredrik Skavlan, a Norwegian journalist, cartoonist and TV personality. Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist who, according to Wikipedia, is “notable… Read more →

Giving up.

Every time I think I’ve come to a decision, the fucking road forks again … and again … and again, and I find myself circling back to the same place. I’ve come to the realization that — even if I wanted to — my poor health means I can’t afford to leave my marriage. I’m at the point where I need… Read more →

Thinking of Paris. And him.

My husband astonished me last weekend with the announcement he would like to take me and our daughters on a brief trip to Paris early next year. It’s a luxury that he promised many years ago when we were broke newlyweds, and he’s very pleased that he found a deal through his workplace’s discounts program that finally makes it affordable for us.… Read more →

Empty as a sock puppet

It is so difficult to work yourself up to have the gumption to leave a bad marriage. And mine’s not bad. It’s just disappointing and lonely. Sometimes disturbing. Peppered with hauntingly sweet moments that occur often enough to serve as contrast, but not often enough to sustain me. Surprise — bad marriages may be hard to leave, but it’s equally… Read more →

Paralyzing self-doubt

I grew up in a home of … well, I can’t exactly say “emotional highs and lows.” More like emotional lows and mediums. So my judgement of what is normal and reasonable to expect in life feels like it’s never been properly calibrated. It’s like, if I were weighing myself, I’m used to wildly fluctuating results and sometimes looking back… Read more →