I watched a TikTok today about EMDR (eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing). It reminded me of when I was in the mental hospital in 2012 for 10 days after my suicide attempt. My stay included one group session of EMDR. It wasn’t memorable at the time, so I decided to try it again today. No idea if I did it right,… Read more →
Category: Uncategorized
Why he went no-contact with the truth
I’m in the middle of a long marriage. Some days it feels too long. But whenever I take a look at it again, critically, so far it has felt right to keep it. It feels good to know that I can make that choice at any time and not feel trapped just because the answer in my past has always… Read more →
Yes, it IS a big deal.
My birthday and Mother’s Day both fell during my community’s coronavirus-related shutdowns. I’m not a greedy person, so — when asked what I wanted — I mentioned some perfumes I like and what color socks I need. Some of the perfume is in the $28-30 range. You can get socks from about a couple of bucks up to $10 or… Read more →
“Honey, I tried …” (Did you? Did you really?!)
THIS is how weak and/or stubborn my husband is. I have a really deadline-oriented job. It’s the day before a big project deadline, and I’m tired. I take a nap when I get home from work and ask my husband to please get me up if I didn’t stir by 8 p.m. So instead I wake up on my own… Read more →
His comfort, or my ethics?
My husband and I had a minor flare-up last night. An old friend called in distress and needed a safe place to spend the night. I of course said to come on over. Then I texted my husband. He was driving and didn’t see the text until he got home. He was NOT happy. I got dire looks, glares, the… Read more →
Emotional friendships are an ‘Oh, HELL no’
The truth and clarity of the article linked below remind me, as so many other sources do, that I’ve chosen to live with lies rather than leave my husband: The lie isn’t his. The lie is mine … living as if I’m fine now with the fact he had an emotional affair. I’m not over it, though. It’s just part… Read more →
Another crane wife
This extraordinary essay came into my life this morning, giving me a name and an allegory to explain wide swathes of my life. I first read a response to it on one of the websites I faithfully follow, ChumpLady.com. Then I had to scurry over to The Paris Review’s website to read the original. And then put the author’s new… Read more →
Bad case of the stares
I don’t know if I will ever get over my husband’s infidelity, but his actions over a long period of time have proven that he loves me. (Not that his love alone is the deciding factor in my life.) And I believe my life is better with him than without him. (Do I love? I still think so, although it’s… Read more →
Depression is like …
An old friend who’s won every brutal, aching arm wrestling bout with depression so far was writing today about how this brand of mental illness hits everyone differently. For her, it knocks out her concentration, clarity of thought, and sense of self-worth. I can identify with that. My executive function splashes down in the toilet too when I’m depressed. So… Read more →
Raking over old coals. Still smoldering, I see.
Periodically, I feel a need to watch some of the old infidelity channels on YouTube. I’ve been watching a video this morning that reminds me it’s not over yet, at least for me. Seven years. And I can’t forgive. Or forget. The speaker on today’s video talked about how an unfaithful partner wrote a letter to her betrayed spouse. It… Read more →