Who I am

My favorite flower of all time. <3 Source: Lynda Bullock, via Flickr.com; some rights reserved.


My name is not really Effie Stillhertz. That’s a pseudonym I use because I write about things like infidelity, sex, my struggles with depression and other personal topics.

But this information below is all true, if you want to know more about me:

  • I’m female.
  • I was born in March 1961. (Telling you that is way easier than remembering to come back to this page and update my age each year, lol.)
  • I have two adult daughters, born in 1990 and 1997. One’s artistic and talented and passionate, and the other is athletic and seriously academic. I’m proud of both of them and very happy with the young women they are.
  • I’ve been married three times: First time to my college sweetheart, then to a guy who was nice to me during a tough and lonely time in my life, and then to my present husband, in 1994 (and I’ve known him as a friend since 1979).
  • I have a college degree and have worked steadily since 1983 — mostly in the same industry — except for an eight-month stint at home when my younger daughter was a preemie infant too fragile to go to daycare.
  • I’m an only child. Social awkwardness and self-doubt … yeah, I have some. I work on it, though! (People who know me casually rarely believe that I’m shy and less than self-confident.)
  • I grew up in rural Mississippi and still live in another state within the southern U.S. Such an odd-duck place to live when you’re as politically and socially liberal as I am.
  • Some of my favorite things to do are listen to funny YouTube videos, go to comedy clubs, read, knit, write (both non-fiction and fiction), talk with friends and relax. (I’m a barrel of excitement, eh? What can I say. I’m pretty sedate at this stage of life!)
  • I have a few health challenges: I’m fat. I also have type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, depression, IBS-D, a little arthritis in my hands and knees, and a few other ailments. They are all being treated.
  • I have a dark sense of humor, and I giggle, chortle, LOL and cackle with belly laughs a *lot.*
  • I am trying — genuinely trying — to be a good person and to continually improve.
  • I’m an atheist. That just means that I believe in one fewer god than a person of faith does. I don’t have hate, contempt or even dislike for people who believe differently than I do. I’m at peace with other people’s views as long as they aren’t hurting me or others. (Then I will say something. I might also say something if the other person is being a total asshat about their views, because sometimes I don’t bite my tongue as much as I should.) I grew up in a small rural Southern Baptist church in the Deep South, however, and I’ve read the Bible and Christian religious literature enough that I can probably match you Bible quote for Bible quote in a discussion. ;o)
  • I swear. Like, a lot. As you can guess from this blog’s title, if “fuck” gives you the vapors, then bless your heart and be on your way. No hard feelings.
  • Politically, I’m very liberal, and I often agitate for kindness and compassion. As you might imagine, I think of President Trump as Shitler, or sometimes President Feltersnatch when I’m being vulgar about an extraordinarily vulgar president. He’s an abomination and a global embarrassment. (Guess how I voted, lol.)
  • I have quite a few friends and family who think very, very differently from me. In general, they are interesting and kind enough that I love them anyway, even when we are fiercely arguing our contrasting views. My husband, for example, is a dyed-in-the-wool Rush Limbaugh-style Republican. I’m more of a Rachel Maddow-style Democrat. (I go to Snopes.com and Politifact.com a *lot* when we are disagreeing.)
  • Other stances of mine that might be considered controversial: I’m pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ rights, a feminist, and in favor of sensible gun control (although I own and shoot guns). There probably are a few other far-end-of-the-spectrum stances that I can’t think of at the moment, too.

If any of that gives you a case of the red ass, you probably won’t be comfortable with this blog. But I hope you read it and find parts of it thoughtful anyway. I would like you to stick around and talk with me. I’ll try not to get a case of the red ass myself if we disagree (I will TRY, that is). In most cases, I think we can work it out, or we agree like grownups that we just disagree and that’s that.

Peace to you. I mean well, and I believe most other people do too.

— Effie