You know how the experts say a repentant unfaithful spouse should be willing to “do anything” to show remorse and a changed outlook to the betrayed spouse? Yeah. About that. My husband is essentially what most people would call a “good guy.” And he had a long-term emotional affair, regardless. He had no legitimate excuses, although he has finally been… Read more →
Author: Effie
Better life after the affair (not because of it)
I get pissed off every single time that I hear a video or read an article about infidelity in which they triumphantly crow, “Our marriage is better today than it was before the affair.” (Imagine giant billowing clouds of super-heated steam coming out of both my ears.) … deep breath … My response: Yes, that is very likely true in… Read more →
First marriage: Oh, the crazy-making
Funny how we can look back at our own histories, thinking of the old familiar stories from our lives, and suddenly see them in a different light with the perspective of years. My first husband and I met in college, dated all four years, went out of state for his advanced studies for two years, and moved back to his… Read more →
The time of almost-sex, hate mail, and betrayal
I got my first hate mail from an adult when I was 14, and it relates to some almost-sex I had. I was dating a much older guy (my mother was sometimes an idiot to permit things like that), and he was far more ready for sex than I was. We did some petting, and that’s as far as it… Read more →
The shattering effect of an abusive, stalking ex
I was stalked for the first time when I was 14. My mother made the mistake of letting me, at 13, start dating a “nice” boy from our church. He was 18. No way was that a smart move. That age difference at that stage of life made for a power dynamic in his favor. He was always “joking” and “teasing” me, but… Read more →
Things I would like to say to my husband today
I don’t want to beat a dead horse and say these things to a husband who already knows how hurt I am and has heard all these already anyway. So I’m saying it here instead: Dear Husband: At first you didn’t even think of it as an affair, as you were “just friends.” Then you had “reasons” for it —… Read more →
I feel helpless about his impotence.
I don’t know what happened first — my husband’s erectile dysfunction or the serious problems in our relationship. He has always put pressure on himself to “perform” (a verb I detest when applied to sex). I enjoy being in bed with the man; there is no need to try so much. (I say “much” because I’m really trying to avoid… Read more →
The thoughts go marching round and round, hurrah
Communication makes such a difference. I’ve come full circle from hurting over the weekend to feeling at least a little better today. I had a miserable weekend, emotionally speaking. Haven’t had one of those in a while, but it hit me hard. It was bad enough that I checked the Facebook page of the woman who my husband had an… Read more →
A lovely man who I don’t trust
There are so many things I love about my husband. He makes me laugh. I know him so, so well. I make him laugh. He’s kind. He looks at me with such warmth in his eyes. I like how he thinks; he’s interesting. He’s a good father. He’s steady at work. He still surprises me with things he says and… Read more →
A separate person from my mother
My daddy died when I was 6. He was a farmer and was also working part-time at a cattle auction barn in the next city over when he dropped with chest pain. It had been troubling him for about six months and he was just starting to talk to his doctor about it. That afternoon, he died at the hospital where… Read more →