My husband keeps asking me, “Are you okay?” And I keep not being okay. (I don’t say that, but I’m not.) It feels like I’ve got something painful to realize or to say, but I’m not quite there yet. Have you ever had a niggling vague ache that you can’t quite pin down, but you know it’s not supposed to feel… Read more →
Author: Effie
Building a new nest. Or a happier bird.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Changed the headline from “better bird” to “happier bird.” That fits better.] I’m contemplating my new life, now that both my children are out of the house. I don’t want to spend the rest of it playing with my phone while stretched out on the sofa while my husband is stretched out nearby with his Nook. (Solitary lazing has… Read more →
Oh, the therapists I’ve seen
I have a great therapist now, but I have a checkered past of good, average and shitty ones. My reminiscing over this personal history was sparked by a very good new video by Shahida Arabi on how therapists can be personality disordered just like anyone else can. I thought it might be useful to run through mine and think about them… Read more →
One more thing I didn’t want to know
One of the things I did in the immediate aftermath of my husband’s affair was to play detective while I was in emotional agony. I think we all do it, to some extent. It’s maddening to realize that the person you love and have been faithful to could really be someone who sneaked around and hid his lurid, dirty reality. You think… Read more →
Analysis: ‘How DARE you call me on my bullshit!’
I’m posting this defense here in honor of a dear gal who has enlightened me, touched my heart and generously shared her personal stories, research, and insights with me and others on her YouTube channel. I only know her online, but she feels like a friend. She got a manipulative letter from her sister recently after she went no-contact with the sister.… Read more →
Boundaries. I have a few.
You know how sometimes a podcast or video will strike a chord with you? Well, Shahida Arabi’s YouTube channel, Self-Care Haven, banged a gong in my head today with the topic of “How to Become a Kickass, Empowered Empath in a World of Toxic People.” For me, the jury’s still out on the concept of being an empath. I’m still puzzling… Read more →
Hot air and hatred
The day we missed out on watching hot air balloons with my mother’s side of the family is a perfect example of when they made me the villain and punished me for it. And I participated by feeling shamed. It’s hard to put into words just how awful this was, but it remains vivid to me as one of the many,… Read more →
More than one way to drown
I fell in the pool recently while we were wrangling with the tarp that covers it. (It’s an old house we own but don’t live in currently, so the pool is covered for now.) When I hit the tarp flat on my back, it wrapped around my feet and I started to slowly sink into the deep waters. My anxious husband was speechless and fretting… Read more →
Losing Daddy & stealing Mama’s pretty dress
My dad died suddenly when I was six of an unexpected heart condition. I remember that I locked myself in the bathroom at his funeral because I just wanted to GET AWAY from all the people. My daddy’s brother, my gruff Uncle T., came to the door and told me to come out because the service was about to start.… Read more →
Where rage is born
This article (see link at bottom) about horrible things some men say and do made me think of a few warping experiences from my own youth. Story #1: Back in the late 1970s, a high school boyfriend MADE me have sex with him while on a trip with his family to visit relatives. He and I stayed with an uncle,… Read more →