Here comes Peter Cottontail

Just a little update on the non-event of my sex life. Finally bought a new vibrator to replace the one that died when its old batteries rusted in place. (Oh, the metaphor there.)

My old one was a boring beige — long and slender with an egg-shaped blob at the business end. I used to call it ET’s Finger, and it was very, very good when I wanted to “phone home.”

The new one is purple, charges via USB, heats up, has multiple patterns of movements and has a two-pronged ending. The overall shape is sort of like a cactus, with the smaller arm shaped to be a little more knobby and two feather-light tiny protrusions at the top of it. I looked at it more closely when the package arrived and realized those protrusions were ears, and it was subtly shaped like … a bunny?

LIKE. A. BUNNY. (Easter’s gonna be weird from now on.)

What’s really sad is that I haven’t shared this purchase with my husband yet. He is so sexually uninterested in me that I would feel kind of creepy mentioning it.

But it’s so nice to get that pleasure and warm glow so easily again, even if he’s turned a blind eye to me. I feel less like dead weight on this Earth.

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