Giving up.

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Every time I think I’ve come to a decision, the fucking road forks again … and again … and again, and I find myself circling back to the same place.

I’ve come to the realization that — even if I wanted to — my poor health means I can’t afford to leave my marriage. I’m at the point where I need to retire. I have severe IBS-D, and I spend about 80% of my time at some level of pain. Usually it’s also nausea and an upset stomach.

So instead of “hoping for the best but planning for the worst” in my marriage, I need to work on getting comfortable within this relationship for the long haul, appreciating what I have, and taking care of myself. So much for any bold new directions in my life.


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