Micro-acts of equality (aka: “Respect, bitches”)

It’s only been about three years since I realized how ingrained it is for me to minimize myself in deference to others. What I’ve always thought of as courtesy and reasonable humility is actually a little debasing. And I’m doing it to myself. It’s ridiculous to be this way, because I’m perfectly capable of being assertive or even aggressive when… Read more →

Trust your true self.

The wisdom in my favorite YouTube video of the day resonated with me like a mallet to a gong, and I can still hear it ringing. I highly recommend listening to Finally Free From Narcissism’s YouTube talk, “Followup to Entitlement to Attention.” She’s a professional dog trainer and a wise and fun YouTuber, and she told about writing to another pet… Read more →

Like an old leaf on the water

My husband keeps asking me, “Are you okay?” And I keep not being okay. (I don’t say that, but I’m not.) It feels like I’ve got something painful to realize or to say, but I’m not quite there yet. Have you ever had a niggling vague ache that you can’t quite pin down, but you know it’s not supposed to feel… Read more →

Building a new nest. Or a happier bird.

 [EDITOR’S NOTE: Changed the headline from “better bird” to “happier bird.” That fits better.] I’m contemplating my new life, now that both my children are out of the house. I don’t want to spend the rest of it playing with my phone while stretched out on the sofa while my husband is stretched out nearby with his Nook. (Solitary lazing has… Read more →

Oh, the therapists I’ve seen

I have a great therapist now, but I have a checkered past of good, average and shitty ones. My reminiscing over this personal history was sparked by a very good new video by Shahida Arabi on how therapists can be personality disordered just like anyone else can. I thought it might be useful to run through mine and think about them… Read more →

One more thing I didn’t want to know

One of the things I did in the immediate aftermath of my husband’s affair was to play detective while I was in emotional agony. I think we all do it, to some extent. It’s maddening to realize that the person you love and have been faithful to could really be someone who sneaked around and hid his lurid, dirty reality. You think… Read more →

Boundaries. I have a few.

You know how sometimes a podcast or video will strike a chord with you? Well, Shahida Arabi’s YouTube channel, Self-Care Haven, banged a gong in my head today with the topic of “How to Become a Kickass, Empowered Empath in a World of Toxic People.” For me, the jury’s still out on the concept of being an empath. I’m still puzzling… Read more →

More than one way to drown

I fell in the pool recently while we were wrangling with the tarp that covers it. (It’s an old house we own but don’t live in currently, so the pool is covered for now.) When I hit the tarp flat on my back, it wrapped around my feet and I started to slowly sink into the deep waters. My anxious husband was speechless and fretting… Read more →