My therapist is great. He gave me some useful, subtle advice for a persistent issue I’ve encountered with assholes my whole life. The advice is: Don’t bother trying to explain to or argue with a mentally unhealthy person. Keep your emotions in check during any unavoidable or necessary encounters. (A frank friend once said it more succinctly: “Check yourself before… Read more →
Category: Boundaries
The shattering effect of an abusive, stalking ex
I was stalked for the first time when I was 14. My mother made the mistake of letting me, at 13, start dating a “nice” boy from our church. He was 18. No way was that a smart move. That age difference at that stage of life made for a power dynamic in his favor. He was always “joking” and “teasing” me, but… Read more →
A separate person from my mother
My daddy died when I was 6. He was a farmer and was also working part-time at a cattle auction barn in the next city over when he dropped with chest pain. It had been troubling him for about six months and he was just starting to talk to his doctor about it. That afternoon, he died at the hospital where… Read more →
Seating for one, right this way
Thinking about boundaries today. My therapist has said more than once about my current marriage, “You married your mom*,” because of some ways she and my husband were alike. But I think it may be true of all three of my marriages, that I unconsciously saw something in these men that would let me address old, old wounds from childhood… Read more →