At *least* since early July (and probably for a month or so earlier), I’ve been telling my husband that I’m in a better place emotionally and physically, and I would love for us to start sleeping together again. It used to be that he was like a hungry dog on a chain, always straining toward me. But these days? Not… Read more →
Tag: traitorous
Mental struggles over his affair
I don’t want to convict my husband in the court of public opinion — or even in our private lives — about his affair or other problems in our marriage. He has many fine qualities. That makes it doubly hard for me to mentally and emotionally reconcile his long-term infidelity with the kind man I’ve known for decades. We met… Read more →
Not ready to make nice
One of the most shocking things my husband did during his affair was simply something he said about me. I have not forgiven it. Here’s the context. I think I came out as an atheist around the same time I decided two things: I really, truly was one, and it was time I admitted it. I believe that was around… Read more →
Triggers, triggers everywhere
Know what triggers are? They are things that remind you of something traumatic in your past, bringing up those same feelings of pain, horror and/or anger. I think I actually have more triggers than this related to my husband’s affair. These are the ones I thought of today. Museums (she works at one) Sexting (they did a lot of that)… Read more →
The almost-comedy of a failed suicide attempt
I should probably mention my suicide attempt. A little background first: I found out about my husband’s four-year affair on July 22, 2012. Afterward, I stayed awake all night, thinking of what I could do, what I should do, and what I wanted to do. When I came downstairs the next morning to where my husband was sleeping on the… Read more →
Hidden anger still burns
You know how, when someone is angry with you, that other person clips his words, keeps eye contact to the bare minimum, keeps his face expressionless or grim, and lets every conversational attempt die? Yeah. That’s how my husband has been tonight. I asked a couple of times if he was angry that we had had a tearful conversation at… Read more →
Post-affair: Pain, obsession and distance
There was one time, just a few weeks after I found out about my husband’s affair and when I was still in shock, I got obsessed with finding out about the affair. I found out that I could search our old cellphone records and see the times and dates they texted each other. That period of obsession only lasted a few weeks for… Read more →
Something has to give. We can’t live like this.
My husband is so nice to me in mundane ways these days. He is trying TOO hard. I think he knows that I’m still ambivalent about our marriage, even three years since his affair. He makes breakfast, goes to the grocery store, and runs laundry. When he washes towels, he lays two clean ones on the side of the tub… Read more →
My story: Dregs of trust
I found out about my husband’s multi-year affair in 2012, a few months before our 18th wedding anniversary. In the year or two before that, there was a very long stretch when I was barely functioning, I was so deeply depressed. I was recovering from a long period of being virtually catatonic with grief over a runaway daughter, stressed by… Read more →