This rang true for me when I stumbled across it today: “Cheating is a power play. People think it’s all sexy time and the Heart Wants What the Heart Wants bullshit. No, it’s a power grab. It’s a toxic dynamic of getting over on someone. It’s an unequal playing field. You invest all your kibbles in a fuckwit, and they’ll just… Read more →
Category: Anger Issues
Not your BAE, not your Boo
My husband has always told me stories about us. He reinforces the narrative he wants to emphasize, turning observations into marital canon. Like how we are “soul mates.” Like how we are “just meant to be.” Like how we laugh and talk when we are out to eat, while other couples in the restaurant around us sit silent, with dour faces,… Read more →
Hot air and hatred
The day we missed out on watching hot air balloons with my mother’s side of the family is a perfect example of when they made me the villain and punished me for it. And I participated by feeling shamed. It’s hard to put into words just how awful this was, but it remains vivid to me as one of the many,… Read more →
Not always right, but always been bold
When I was 11 or 12, I used to steal my stepfather’s dirty magazines. Not for what you think, although I was curious too. Here’s what happened. During the summer while my mother worked, I often had to spend the day with my stepfather at his small furniture store. So boring, even if I brought books and toys, and the… Read more →
Who, me? I’m not angry. Much.
You know how the experts say a repentant unfaithful spouse should be willing to “do anything” to show remorse and a changed outlook to the betrayed spouse? Yeah. About that. My husband is essentially what most people would call a “good guy.” And he had a long-term emotional affair, regardless. He had no legitimate excuses, although he has finally been… Read more →
Better life after the affair (not because of it)
I get pissed off every single time that I hear a video or read an article about infidelity in which they triumphantly crow, “Our marriage is better today than it was before the affair.” (Imagine giant billowing clouds of super-heated steam coming out of both my ears.) … deep breath … My response: Yes, that is very likely true in… Read more →
First marriage: Oh, the crazy-making
Funny how we can look back at our own histories, thinking of the old familiar stories from our lives, and suddenly see them in a different light with the perspective of years. My first husband and I met in college, dated all four years, went out of state for his advanced studies for two years, and moved back to his… Read more →
Mental struggles over his affair
I don’t want to convict my husband in the court of public opinion — or even in our private lives — about his affair or other problems in our marriage. He has many fine qualities. That makes it doubly hard for me to mentally and emotionally reconcile his long-term infidelity with the kind man I’ve known for decades. We met… Read more →
Hidden anger still burns
You know how, when someone is angry with you, that other person clips his words, keeps eye contact to the bare minimum, keeps his face expressionless or grim, and lets every conversational attempt die? Yeah. That’s how my husband has been tonight. I asked a couple of times if he was angry that we had had a tearful conversation at… Read more →
Post-affair: Pain, obsession and distance
There was one time, just a few weeks after I found out about my husband’s affair and when I was still in shock, I got obsessed with finding out about the affair. I found out that I could search our old cellphone records and see the times and dates they texted each other. That period of obsession only lasted a few weeks for… Read more →