I don’t think my husband has been unfaithful since I found out about his long, long, long affair. But other than that, the story in this post could be about me: https://www.chumplady.com/2018/10/dear-chump-lady-please-kill-my-hope/. The woman who inspired that post talked about uncertainty, unhappiness, guilt and more. I want to hug her and give her a safe place to talk. And when… Read more →
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He projected his anger & contempt onto me
“Essentially, all narcissists tell on themselves.” ~ Meredith Miller, innerintegration.com I’m still savoring the insights from a video I watched earlier this week. It talks about how narcissists inadvertently reveal details about themselves through what they are projecting onto you. The one thing that my husband kept saying over and over and over after his affair came to light was,… Read more →
You can lean on me … but no piggyback rides
I’m having trouble being supportive. My husband is having surgery in a couple of months to repair a giant hernia on his belly. He’s already gloomy about the news, worried about the cost, and fretting about getting older and having physical ailments. He also recently got the news that he has to have another tooth pulled and replaced with another… Read more →
‘This is an attempt to collect a debt …’
Fuck. This. Noise. We went through bankruptcy a while back — I think it was about three years ago. It was the kind where you don’t erase debts — you pay a percent of them as ordered by the court. It’s a five-year process before you are out from under the bankruptcy. I’d love to say it was all someone… Read more →
Face-melting breath & selfish boundary breaking
He gets within 6-8 inches of my face in the morning and wants to talk or give a lingering kiss … despite 24+ years of being asked almost daily not to do that. My morning breath bothers me until I get my teeth brushed. His morning breath bothers me too, even after he brushes. But he “forgets” that I don’t… Read more →
The happy horseshit of Esther Perel
Below is my transcript of Esther Perel talking on the Scandinavian talk show “Skavlan” in the fall of 2017. (YouTube link.) My “Oh, what bullshit” comments are in a different color, interspersed throughout the transcript. The show’s host is Fredrik Skavlan, a Norwegian journalist, cartoonist and TV personality. Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist who, according to Wikipedia, is “notable… Read more →
Giving up.
Every time I think I’ve come to a decision, the fucking road forks again … and again … and again, and I find myself circling back to the same place. I’ve come to the realization that — even if I wanted to — my poor health means I can’t afford to leave my marriage. I’m at the point where I need… Read more →
Paralyzing self-doubt
I grew up in a home of … well, I can’t exactly say “emotional highs and lows.” More like emotional lows and mediums. So my judgement of what is normal and reasonable to expect in life feels like it’s never been properly calibrated. It’s like, if I were weighing myself, I’m used to wildly fluctuating results and sometimes looking back… Read more →
Like an old leaf on the water
My husband keeps asking me, “Are you okay?” And I keep not being okay. (I don’t say that, but I’m not.) It feels like I’ve got something painful to realize or to say, but I’m not quite there yet. Have you ever had a niggling vague ache that you can’t quite pin down, but you know it’s not supposed to feel… Read more →
Building a new nest. Or a happier bird.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Changed the headline from “better bird” to “happier bird.” That fits better.] I’m contemplating my new life, now that both my children are out of the house. I don’t want to spend the rest of it playing with my phone while stretched out on the sofa while my husband is stretched out nearby with his Nook. (Solitary lazing has… Read more →