Tag: traitorous

Leap of faith, fearing danger

I grew up about five miles from town, on a lightly populated rural road. Very few kids to play with unless I got someone to cart me into town. Then I went to kindergarten, and being with all the other children was wonderful. It was a private class in a woman’s home because kindergarten programs were not common in schools back… Read more →

Bad marriage counselors give bad advice. Badly.

I’m thinking about several things today: Why my husband had surges of anger with me during and after his affair, how I felt so much of my self-esteem sapped by his infidelity, and how bad marriage counseling made things much, much worse. Near-lethally worse. This article rang true, loud and clear like a clap of thunder. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200905/emotional-abuse-why-your-marriage-counseling-failed The article explains that therapists may be focused on… Read more →

Seating for one, right this way

Thinking about boundaries today. My therapist has said more than once about my current marriage, “You married your mom*,” because of some ways she and my husband were alike. But I think it may be true of all three of my marriages, that I unconsciously saw something in these men that would let me address old, old wounds from childhood… Read more →

Comfort and insight: Online, even if nowhere else

YouTube channels and Facebook groups have been a source of comfort and perspective for me lately. So I’m sharing the wealth. Current faves on YouTube The ones that resonate most for me: Homonculus Mandrake (funny, painful, authentic recounting of a man working through being discarded by his narc wife) [Update: He has closed his channel.] Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach (insightful, very… Read more →

I know who I am. You do too.

Yesterday, I remembered with a smile how my younger daughter reacted when she was very little and I had ordered some used but very nice clothes for her on eBay. She was about 5. I opened the box and proudly showed her the pristine pale blue corduroy pants, shirt, sweater and a couple of other outfits. She looked at it… Read more →

Betrayal trauma — so it has a name

Learned a new phrase today: “Betrayal trauma.” I’ve been looking for a handle that describes how I feel, and this one is it. Calling what I’m going through “PTSD” doesn’t seem right. It feels wrong to use a term that applies to suffering veterans. “Betrayal trauma” is more precise to just what I’ve gone through since his affair. I’m kind of… Read more →

Has anything really changed since his affair?

I was listening to another YouTube video this morning about “emotional affairs” and how to actively work toward recovering trust. The most interesting part to me was the observation that it’s extremely difficult to pull off if BOTH people aren’t working toward it. My husband isn’t doing anything really to restore trust, although he is being generally very nice. And… Read more →

What I tell my daughter

I had a childhood with a lot of tension (as many people do), and there’s a family history of stressed-out women dealing with difficult life circumstances. So I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture, (or both), but I have gone to counselors, therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists at all the major stress points in my life. I’m not ashamed of… Read more →