Check his drive so you don’t exhaust yours

Photo source: Loco Steve via Flickr.com; some rights reserved.

Hindsight is always clearer than the present fog or the rosy future.

I remember feeling so impatient to start my life with my now-husband back when we were dating. I’d known him all four years when we were in college, and many years later it was like picking up an old friendship with the added spice of sex. I was just coming off a self-imposed yearlong dating fast to help me stop making shitty relationship choices.

So when he and I were clicking in many areas, but he wasn’t bringing up the possibility of eventual marriage, I finally did. And he agreed we were good for each other.

That was 23 years ago. Today, as I look back on more than two decades of marriage with a mostly very nice man, I realize the signs were there all along that he was vague, indecisive, incommunicative and waiting for direction in life from me.

It didn’t occur to me at the time that it would be such a drain, being the main driver in the relationship. It gets tiring. And discouraging. And maddening.

So if you’re at the decision point in a long-term relationship, I suggest asking yourself this: Do you REALLY always want to be in a relationship where you always have to lead, push, pull and decide? What happens in your relationship if you let go and see what happens? You will quickly get a sense of how much direction and drive your potential partner really has.

Do yourself a favor and pay close attention in advance.

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