Thinking of Paris. And him.

My husband astonished me last weekend with the announcement he would like to take me and our daughters on a brief trip to Paris early next year. It’s a luxury that he promised many years ago when we were broke newlyweds, and he’s very pleased that he found a deal through his workplace’s discounts program that finally makes it affordable for us.

I have such mixed feelings about this.

First, I’m grateful that he wants to do nice things for me. And I’m pleased he wants to honor a promise. The fact that he has planned this leaves me feeling very tender-hearted toward him. He’s always been a man of generous intentions and actions. I’m blown away at the idea that we really, actually might get to go to PARIS and also that he wants to do this for me. Paris is my dream, not his.

But I also feel sad because this doesn’t bring me the joy it would have back when I still believed in him and our marriage. And I feel guilty for accepting the vacation plans despite my emotional reservations about the man.

WTF is wrong with me.

 

 

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