I get pissed off every single time that I hear a video or read an article about infidelity in which they triumphantly crow, “Our marriage is better today than it was before the affair.”
(Imagine giant billowing clouds of super-heated steam coming out of both my ears.)
… deep breath …
My response: Yes, that is very likely true in some ways, because of the soul-searching, counseling, training and efforts involved in recovery. But the marriage is not better BETTER BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR. It is better because of what you did after disclosure.
It’s good if a marriage really heals and is stronger after this horrificly traumatic experience. But it is a costly learning experience for all involved, both the guilty and the betrayed. There are oceans of pain, a million rages, and a lifetime of gut twinges when little things in daily life remind you that your spouse had an affair.
It may be better. But at what a terrible cost.