Better life after the affair (not because of it)

Photo via Flickr.com; some rights reserved.

Photo via Flickr.com some rights reserved.

I get pissed off every single time that I hear a video or read an article about infidelity in which they triumphantly crow, “Our marriage is better today than it was before the affair.”

(Imagine giant billowing clouds of super-heated steam coming out of both my ears.)

… deep breath …

My response: Yes, that is very likely true in some ways, because of the soul-searching, counseling, training and efforts involved in recovery. But the marriage is not betterĀ BETTER BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR. It is better because of what you did after disclosure.

It’s good if a marriage really heals and is stronger after this horrificly traumatic experience. But it is a costly learning experience for all involved, both the guilty and the betrayed. There are oceans of pain, a million rages, and a lifetime of gut twinges when little things in daily life remind you that your spouse had an affair.

It may be better. But at what a terrible cost.

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